how to be alone

Sleep in clothes. Pop zits. Eat salty foods. Talk to yourself in the car. Look at pictures. Read words. Wake up. Go to sleep. Look to call someone on the phone. There is no one. Spend lunch breaks at the grocery store, looking around. Stay late at work. Go to sleep too late. Wake up too early.

Escape when possible. Smoke a cigarette. Drink until you have sex. Paint your nails blue. Look up flight prices to exotic locations. Write a craigslist ad. Don't respond to any of the replies you get.

Take a bath until you are human milk. Eat half a box of cookies. Wake up. Go to sleep.

Talk to people. Nod your head. Review conversations you've had. Wonder if you could've done more, if you could've said things better. Check your work's gmail account.

Set three alarms. Listen to books on tape. Read until your muscles are cramped and it's hard to be comfortable. Turn on the t.v. Fall asleep. Wake up.

Think of baking something.

Think of fixing your bike.

Spend two hours in a craft store, looking for something you keep forgetting.

Remember dates you've had. Remember parties you've been to. Look at the phone as if it has a delicious meal it's not sharing with you.

Go to 24 hour grocery stores. Eat watermelon in the parking lot, in your car. Turn the heat on. Go to the movies. Draw seven lines on a piece of paper. Use old gift cards. There is now time.

See other people. They are laughing, always.


Clark Blue said...

this felt familiar.
i can't comment well.
just going to read from now on.
when i read books by dead authors
i cannot comment them and tell them what i liked best, etc...but i'm still content. i will think about that when i read blogs from now on.

lonely people try to use the internet as a tool to help them, but it never works out how they...fuck it.

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ellie said...
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