5.09.2009

productive tasks of the day, in order:

woke up at 9:05 without an alarm
checked e-mail, facebook, twitter, statcounter, edited things, responded to e-mails
watered plants, fed cats, ate a banana
wiped fingerprints off macbook, put face close to the screen to make sure i was being thorough, felt puzzled at small white dots that don't appear to be coming off, never seen them before
looked in the mirror to see if i looked 'noticably fatter' from eating chipotle yesterday, kind of looked a little fatter
responded to text messages, sent text messages to be responded to by other people, didn't respond to one text message on purpose, felt spiteful and confused and unexpectedly sad and betrayed a little, wondered if i will ever respond to that text message


unproductive tasks of the day, in order:

tried to go back to sleep but unable to sleep
laid in bed conscious of time passing at a slower than normal rate, looked at objects in my room, tried to feel satisfied but mostly felt 'i need to clean'
felt my face for zits to pick at, none really, mild disappointment
tried to mentally reconstruct the physical sensation of being kissed, via memories of good kisses i've had
realistically imagined showering
realistically imagined outfits i could wear today
realistically imagined going to a party tonight
realistically imagined getting an iced coffee and going to the library to do research for a paper
attempted to realistically imagine what my paper is going to contain but felt severely panicked and unable, tried to construct a timeline of productivity to ensure that i will complete the paper by monday at 2 p.m., failed at constructing a timeline of productivity, updated blog

7 comments:

oh no oh no oh said...

a lot of the time i spend what seems like hours lying in bed awake and it's only really ten minutes or something

if i'm falling asleep on and off it seems like i have really in depth dreams very very quickly

what is up with that

i like your blog

oh no oh no oh said...

i just read your stuff at muumuu house and enjoyed them both, i thought 'everyone i've had sex with' was interesting, surprisingly in depth, brave. i almost felt voyeuristic reading it but i think it was written to a detached enough degree that it was ok. i'm glad you have neither aids nor pregnancy

tomhanks said...

hi oh no oh no oh

i do that too, the 'falling lightly asleep and having intense dreams thing'

i'm glad you think 'everyone i've had sex with' was detached enough to be relatable. i thought it might be too 'bloggy'/voyeuristic.

i changed all the names, but it would still be very possible for those mentioned to decipher who they are. i feel extremely nervous about this, like i will wake up tomorrow and i will have been woven onto my bed in my sleep by a giant spider or something. but feelings of 'fuck it' and 'sweet' are greater than the nervous feelings.

tomhanks said...

that was a stupid simile, i apologize

Jamie said...

I read your poems and they brought me here, and I'm glad you're still writing because I was sad when you stopped posting at livejournal. you were my only friend, besides another girl who was not as interesting to read about.

I find it strange that we went to the same high school, have read each other's blogs for years, and still don't know each other at all in real life. I like it. It feels safe.

I liked your poems, and the one about all the people you've had sex with was really brave and inspiring, for what it's worth. Tell your cats hi.

tomhanks said...

hi jamie

i also liked reading your livejournal a lot, sometimes i go back and check to see if you still write in it.

i also think it's funny that we have intersecting lives but have never met in real life. safe, yes, you also seem like someone i'd be friends with 'irl' if i knew you though.

thanks for thinking i'm brave. hehe. tell your cats i said hi too.

Jordan Castro said...

really felt like this blog was related to on a high level by me.

that was weird wording. sorry.

i read 'everyone i've had sex with' at school and felt like people were reading over my shoulder or staring at me the whole time.

i liked it. the list, not the feeling.

your poem was sweet too.

my friend was air drumming at a bar and got offered free drum lessons from a guy. seemed sweet.

i like your blog.