i'm at work right now.

there are customers walking around, moving at the speed of grazing cows, looking at how high the ceiling is sometimes, trying to orient themselves or something.

i'm very conscious of the noise the keyboard is making. i'm trying to keep my fingers close to the keys so i don't make too much noise. i type extremely fast. i break sound barriers. i want to type type type type to see how fast i can type and impress myself.

typing is making me look busy. if i look busy i do not have to tell you where "angels and demons" is located, or how our book buyback program works, or what time we open sunday.

i feel invincible right now. if a customer exceeded my personal boundaries in any way right now, i would not hesitate to say "what do you think you are doing?" i am overtired/sleep deprived and my muscles feel relaxed and that's why i feel invincible. it feels good. i feel like i'm on a surfboard, surfing a sea of uncompleted homework assignments, flipping off everyone.

randy quaid from independence day just came in. he wanted to know where the ufo books were. when he came up to the register i was yawning as i said "hello," so he made the same voice back, then we started talking like were deaf or retarded. he talked to me about a jack the ripper convention he wanted to go to, but it was $100 for 3 days. that included meals.

a tall guy wearing a shirt that said "pug off!" with a pug dog on it just bought a book i sold back to the store. it was "the salmon of doubt" by douglas adams. he asked why i would sell that book back. i sold it back because i read four pages of it and thought "ENOUGH" and it was crowding my bookshelf. i told him it was because "i don't know... i wanted to simplify" or something. he was nervous-seeming, but jolly, like a dad who wears pajamas and takes his family out to denny's at 9 p.m. or something. i liked him. i said "bye." he said "see ya."

lots of moms today. grandmoms. grandmoms read romance novels and think about masturbating, but might not masturbate.

the ups guy just came in. i like him. he says "hey beautiful" and compliments me on my smile, but in a way that makes me feel comfortable instead of uncomfortable, which is uncommon. i think he wakes up in the morning, pours orange juice, looks at the closed refrigerator door, thinks "i'm going to make this one worth it. i'm going to make this day count," and pours more orange juice. he probably believes in god.

today we talked about the weather a little bit, and school. i think he read in a book that women like it when you ask them questions. "what were you doing in chicago?" "where did you go to school?" "your boyfriend is a lucky man" (who says that?). i said i didn't have a boyfriend. he said he didn't know why, and seemed startled and interested, and asked me if i wanted to not have a boyfriend or if i just don't. i said i don't really want one right now, but i don't know, it's a personal choice i'm making, but if a boyfriend came along i would be okay with it, something like that. then my manager came out and he left. he winked. i feel strange.

i think he does this to a lot of retail-working girls and likes to entertain a fantasy in his head that he is "Stereotypical Sexy UPS Guy That Retail Girls Probably Have Sexual Fantasies About." i don't have sexual fantasies about him. in my interactions with him, i try not to reinforce my imagined bias i think he has/i do not return flirtations. but i like interacting with him, despite these thoughts i have about him. he's pleasant and i think he is nice to small animals.

i made a graph inspired by tao lin's graphs, but i don't like my graph. i made it at school on microsoft excel, right before class, it was rushed. i don't have a program on my mac that allows me to create .bmp images or excel documents, so i can't make another one, unless i am at school. here is my subpar graph. oh no.

a more comprehensive graph about multiple subjects is coming soon, i think.


Mike Bushnell said...

I am glad that at age 18 you had less hopeful feelings about love than sex partners, but the graph still offers more hopeful feelings.

Tao Lin said...

graphs are interesting, i feel, i kept thinking 'interesting' while looking at your graph

i felt like you were just 'playing around with the reader' when i read about randy quaid

i make them manually on photoshop

tomhanks said...

mike, i think i had one more degree of hopeful feeling than sex partners. but actually i think it might be more accurate the other way. i don't know.

graphs are interesting, i agree, tao. i was 'playing around with the reader' which is something i don't usually do, but i think at the time i was feeling tired and invincible and like i could do anything or something.

Clark Blue said...

"i feel like i'm on a surfboard, surfing a sea of uncompleted homework assignments, flipping off everyone."

best imagery i've read in a blog. ever.
or it just made me feel good.