critical spelling error: for the entirety of this post, please regard "drunkness" as "drunkenness"

graph detailing the experience of being drunk the other night:

variable definitions:

drunkenness: amount of alcohol ingested which has an effect on behavior. i drank 3 gin-lemonade-iced teas, a few sips of old granddad whiskey, 3-5 beers, 1 "red headed slut" shot

self-perceived attractiveness: how attractive i think i look to other people, opposite sex especially

negative self opinion: thoughts that consist of things like that was the wrong thing to say, you are destined to be alone for a long time, your place/existence in the world is invalid, other people are more relevant/interesting/funny/attractive than you

"poor/destructive decision making" analysis
10:30 p.m. -- intended to walk alone to the ottobar (saw friend on the street instead, walked around)
11 p.m. -- hitchhiking on north avenue, semi-accidental
12-12:30 a.m. -- was aware that i was drinking more than i needed to, began shaky social constitution, perhaps repeated myself, hugged many people and maybe seemed "insincere"
1 a.m. -- left phone at bar, maybe made advances on males at bar but am unsure of this
2:30/3 a.m. -- decision to walk home alone in the rain through a "bad part of town"

social inhibitions: filter against being "outrageous"

perceived "interest"/reinforcement from others: either obvious vocal reinforcements like laughter or compliments, or obvious physical reinforcements like friendly affection, or more subtle reinforcements/cues in behavior like prolonged eye contact, attention/interest devoted to a conversation with me, amount of people listening to me at once.

NOTE: correlation does not equal causation

negative correlations:
amount of "drunkenness" to social inhibitions
amount of social inhibitions to perceived "interest" from others

positive correlations:

relationship between drunkenness and perceived "interest" from others (not including 2 - 3 a.m. time, when i was walking home alone)
relationship between self-perceived attractiveness and perceived "interest" from others (not between the hours 1 - 3 a.m.)
relationship between self-perceived attractiveness and drunkenness (not between the hours 1-3 a.m., when "attractiveness" declined dramatically)

relationship between negative self opinion and perceived attractiveness
relationship between negative self opinion and destructive decision-making (i anticipated that these would be positively correlated, this doesn't seem right)
"negative self opinion" variable in general

general notes:

i think a lot of this would be more consistent if subjective experiences did not happen from the hours 12:30 - 2. i remember feeling vaguely and maybe irrationally "rejected" by males in general between 12:30 and 1:30 a.m., especially the 1:00 hour, and probably for no concrete reason, since i can't remember any specific event that would reinforce this.

sometimes when i am drunk it seems like emotions appear out of nowhere, or i will have a memory of a negative experience and it will somehow dominate or put a tone to my thoughts. i think this accounts for most of the outliers, as "negative self opinion" is more of an emotional experience than something that can be concretely justified (at least when i'm drunk).

i think i should maybe add a "wave of intense emotions: positive/negative" variable.

i think the experience of having "waves of negative emotions" is directly related to what i'm drinking and how much i've eaten, but i can't prove that. usually when i just drink one or two things, or things that are the same color, i feel heightened positivity. i don't know what this means. on that particular night i drank many different things, and i think i hadn't eaten in hours.


Tao Lin said...


DJ Berndt said...

semi-accidental hitchhiking


tomhanks said...

hi tao, i'm unsure of what you mean by 'damn'

hi dj, it was semi-accidental because i meant to hail a cab but a woman thought i was hitchhiking and offered me a ride instead.

the "word" i have to "verify" to post this comment is "choed," haha