6.25.2010

i have frequently thought 'i am trying to be okay' in the past 48 hours without really knowing what 'okay' is or what i need to do to be 'trying'

i feel sad and the world around me feels strange and it's making the tone of my thoughts sarcastic in a weird and maybe funny way

at a traffic light today i thought 'how can this thing be serious' and 'oh wow, "stop and go," awesome'

one of my primary goals is to not take myself seriously, or at least try to convey that attitude socially, but in order to say 'i feel sad' i have to take myself seriously enough to recognize that on some level i earnestly feel the emotion 'sad'

i've been at my mom's house for a few hours. she asked me what i was going to do later today and i said, 'maybe go walk around a mall or drive somewhere or something' in what i think was an inadvertently overly sad-sounding voice

then i went in the other room and time passed

then she said 'i don't want you to be aimlessly wandering around the world wondering if anyone loves you'

then i said 'story of my life, mom' in a 'bad comedian' voice

then we laughed

seemed lorrie moore-esque

21 comments:

stephen michael mcdowell said...

bro, you're funny bro. happy we're bros

Tao Lin said...

nice

matty fresh said...

cute

DJ Berndt said...

oh no

henry miller said...

this rules

michael said...

bro

i don't know

ryan manning said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Joseph Ernest said...

Do you actually like Tom Hanks?

brittany wallace said...

i like you, megan boyle

qwa56 said...

I made a google account just to leave this comment and suscribe to your blog, :).

Uhh, I see the world the way you do sometimes. I am a small tiny bit younger but thats interesting. Can't wait till your new post.

Brian McElmurry said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

brian, shut up

Jordan Castro said...

word verification is 'dingooli'

just wanted to say that what if god's real??

Brian McElmurry said...

Sorry, my bad.

tomhanks said...

hi everyone

@tao, matty, dj, henry, michael, ryan: sweet
@joseph ernest: he is okay
@brittany: i like you too
@qwa impressive... blogger account all for this... sweet. i probably won't post a lot in the future
@brian [deleted[ saw this right before you deleted it
@anonybro bro... bro...
@jordan lol
@brian post your thing again, i am not anonybro, goddamn, sorry, post thing... i like you brian, you are good

Em said...

personal greeting is pretty fucking great.

Jennifer Fallingstar said...

Bump

hitmewiththeax said...

i really dig this

Anonymous said...

I just read your blog, I wish there was more.

Kyle Joseph said...

its hard to tell people youre sad. especially when people see you as a 'chill dude(tte).' youre writing implies things that make goofballs feel less alone. thanks!

qwa56 said...

Why NOt?? :( That means that the whole comment thingy and account making was all for nothinggggg :( :(